


Smoke Circles

by thelonelywriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Happy Ending, Is there plot?, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Marijuana, Misunderstandings, NO ONE KNOWS, Nerd Dean, Nervous Dean, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Stoner Castiel, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 10:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonelywriter/pseuds/thelonelywriter
Summary: When Benny comes to Dean's dorm to tell him that Cas needs some company for the night, Dean doesn't think much of it. He's had a crush on Cas since freshman year, but he's always able to keep that in check. So, he can handle hanging out with Cas for just one night, right?





	Smoke Circles

**Author's Note:**

> ohohooO i did NOT mean for this to get as long as it did wOW 
> 
> anyways.
> 
> i am, admittedly, a very avid marijuana consumer and if i'm being honest i just love it, it gives me so much comfort, it has done so much good to and for me, my insomnia is practically non existent, my anxiety has been helped, my period pains are gone, it's wonderful. SO because i enjoy it so much i've always wanted to write something about it or at least pair it with something that i like - enter destiel!! at first i wasn't so sure, but then i remembered endverse!cas and i thought 'this could work!!'
> 
> i have mixed feelings about this fic bc i feel like it's kind of boring and if you don't like weed or you aren't into that scene you might not have a fun time, but i honestly just had a fun time explaining bong mechanics and picturing a couple that i love so much do something that i love so much (does that make sense?) so yeah, this happened.
> 
> also, [here](https://www.spunkysglasspipes.com/15-inch-classic-3-kink-glass-on-glass-perc-zong-water-pipe.html) is the beauty that cas is smoking out of in the fic, i like visuals so i figure maybe u guys do too
> 
> enjoy!!!

“Cas needs some company.”

The way Benny said it as he entered Dean’s dorm without even knocking was so nonchalant that Dean almost forgot to be nervous initially. 

“What?” Dean simply questioned, turning away from the pile of homework he had been working on that was strewn across his desk in a way that seemed messy but was, to Dean, completely organized.

Benny, who had closed the door behind him and wandered over to Dean’s bed to sit down, flailed a hand.

“The guy just needs some company,” Benny simply repeated, plopping down on Dean’s bed with a huff. Dean quirked a little smile, already knowing from Benny’s demeanor that he was aggravated - something that wasn’t unusual.

Dean himself was lucky enough to share a dorm with Ash, a sophomore just like Dean whom Dean luckily enough got along with. Benny, on the other hand, a senior who Dean had become friends with back in freshman year, had been stuck sharing a dorm with the infamous Castiel Novak. 

Dean didn’t know he was infamous until Dean had met Benny and Benny had explained Cas’ complex to Dean. A complicated complex.

Majoring in Environmental Sciences and minoring in Philosophy (an unusual pairing to most) Castiel Novak was liked by some, hated by some, and intriguing to most. He was a complete stoner and thought to be a nutcase by some, though he was unusually smart and, to Dean, rather handsome despite the threadbare clothes he always wore and the unwashed hair. Though, Dean would never admit to thinking that.

Dean would never admit to thinking other things about Cas either. Like the fact that, ever since freshman year, Dean had become somewhat fascinated by him. Nor would Dean admit to the shyness that took over him when he was ever around Cas. And he would absolutely _never_ admit to the huge crush he had began harboring on Cas late freshman year.

“And why can’t you be his company?” Dean questioned, trying to seem relaxed as he turned in his chair to face Benny. Benny simply gave him a look that said it all. Dean smirked. “Is he getting on your nerves again?”

“Listen, he’s a great guy and if I’m being truthful, a pretty good roommate, but sometimes he drives you crazy,” Benny explained.

“What’s he doing now?” Dean questioned, turning to put his pencil down atop almost finished homework for an Evolution class. Benny sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“He’s already finished all his homework and studied so he’s trying to make conversation and he won’t shut up, on top of that he’s playing this weird music and I’m trying to study, I got a test coming up, an _important_ test mind you, and he’s just-“

“Getting on your nerves?” Dean filled in. Benny didn’t even look up, only nodded. “So, what, you want to send me in there as a substitute?” Dean questioned. Benny glanced up at Dean with a hopeful look and Dean raised an eyebrow. “You know that him and I have only hung out a few times, right?” Dean began, hoping that he could find a way to deter Benny from sending Dean into Cas’ dorm. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t like hanging out with Cas, it was just that, well, he got nervous sometimes. Cas was seemingly smarter than Dean, at least in Dean’s mind, plus he was older, not to mention more laid back. Dean was only a little bit (or more) of a nerd, two years younger than Cas, and majoring in Astrophysics which was something that very few kids at the college were majoring in. Not to mention the whole, Dean’s heart flipped in his chest every time Cas smiled.

“You guys get along well though,” Benny insisted. Dean sighed and shook his head.

“We’re two totally different people, Benny,” Dean argued.

“Totally different people that get along,” Benny shot back, sitting up, still looking over at Dean hopefully. Dean shot Benny a disapproving look and Benny groaned.

“Did you ever think that maybe he’s alright on his own? That maybe he’s got enough, I don’t know, drugs and reading material to have a good night by himself?” Dean began, turning to straddle the back of his chair and lean on it.

“You know how he is, he gets lonely,” Benny told Dean. “He’s only human, Dean,” Benny added on.

“Now you’re just trying to get me to pity him,” Dean said with a sigh. Benny couldn’t help but grin a little and shrug.

“Maybe he should be pitied,” Benny suggested, and Dean just rolled his eyes. “Dean, please, can’t you just do me a solid and go in there? Let me stay here and study?”

“Cas probably doesn’t even want to hang out with me, Benny, I’m not any fun. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke and I’m… boring,” Dean finished off. And some of it was true; Dean didn’t drink, nor did he smoke, even despite all the stoners wandering around the college and even with all the smuggled in alcohol. It just… wasn’t Dean’s thing.

“Dean,” Benny began, leaning forwards and putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “He just needs company. Please?”

Dean eyed Benny with a sigh, watching that hopeful look in his eye. Benny was a friend, a good friend, and Cas was, well, he was a friend too, so maybe… Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe Dean could do Benny just one favor.

“Alright fine,” Dean sighed, turning away from Benny who pulled back and grinned.

“I owe you one, Dean,” Benny said happily as Dean rose from his seat.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean grumbled, looking around, wondering if he was supposed to bring anything, if there was some sort of code maybe to hanging out with Cas that he had to fulfill. Hopefully, however, it would just be easy and straightforward. Dean would go in, spend some time with Cas, and be back in his dorm with enough time to finish his homework.

Little did Dean know, however, not much was straightforward when it came to Castiel Novak.

\---

Maybe ten minutes later, Dean was standing in front of Cas and Benny’s dorm room, trying to refuse the fact that he might be a little (or a lot) nervous.

‘It’s just Cas,’ Dean told himself silently in his head as he got up the courage to knock on the door. Though him and Cas had only hung out alone a few times together, Dean would consider them friends. ‘There’s no need to be nervous,’ he went on in his head, waiting a few seconds before the door opened and Dean was met with the sight of bright blue eyes and messy dark hair. A slow, sultry smile pulled itself onto Cas’ face and made Dean’s entire stomach flip.

“Let me guess,” Cas began, still smiling as he leaned against the door. “Benny got so annoyed with me that he sent someone to try and comfort me,” Cas supposed. Dean smiled a little sheepishly and glanced down, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Uh, possibly something like that,” Dean managed. Cas smiled a little more before stepping aside, gesturing for Dean to come in.

“Well, I’m glad he sent you and not someone else,” Cas told Dean whose stomach flipped once more.

“Why?” Dean questioned as he looked around the room. It was very obvious that two different people lived there; Cas’ side of the room was covered in tapestries and posters, his bed made but covered in books and papers, his desk adorned with candles and other random things scattered here and there, necklaces, beaded bracelets, even a few little succulent plants. Benny’s side, on the other hand, was seemingly much more bland, even with the posters dappled here and there on the wall.

“Because I haven’t seen you since last semester. We’ve got some catching up to do,” Cas explained, closing the door behind Dean who continued to look around Cas’ room.

“Did you, ah, redecorate?” Dean questioned, waving a hand over at Cas’ side of the room.

“No, I just slacked on my cleaning skills,” Cas sighed, walking over to the bed and glancing over his shoulder to shoot Dean a sly little smile. “You can take a seat on Benny’s bed, I gotta get the papers and shit off mine,” Cas sighed, leaning over and scooping up a bunch of papers.

Dean wandered over to Benny’s bed and sat down, looking up and over at Cas who was shuffling the papers in his arms.

“How was your Christmas?” Cas questioned as he set the papers back down on his bed and began clearing some space off on his desk.

“It was alright,” Dean replied, eyeing all the posters on Cas’ wall. 

“Was it as materialistic as most Christmases?” Cas teased. Dean snorted and shook his head.

“In some ways yes, in some ways no, I suppose,” Dean replied. “There’s no way to avoid materialism during the holidays anymore,” Dean then added on.

“I never pegged you as a cynic,” Cas mused as he gathered a few books off his bed. Dean quirked a little smile.

“Is it cynicism or just truth?” Dean questioned, half teasingly. Cas turned and grinned at Dean.

“Be careful, Dean. I may major in Environmental Sciences but I hope you haven’t forgotten my minor in Philosophy. Start me on a tangent and I may not stop,” Cas warned. 

“You’re welcome to start one,” Dean replied with a grin and a nod. “I’ve been in my dorm all day working on homework. I haven’t really had a conversation with anyone in awhile. A good one anyways,” Dean sighed. 

“And what makes you think that I can make good conversation?” Cas inquired, setting a few books down on the edge of his desk.

“Now you’re just looking for flattery,” Dean huffed, and Cas laughed one of those nice, true Cas laughs where he threw his head back.

“Possibly,” Cas sighed as he took some more papers off his bed and set them on his desk next to the books. 

“How was your Christmas? I heard that you stayed here,” Dean went on. Cas nodded.

“My Christmas was nice, though, admittedly, I wasn’t spending it with anyone,” Cas told Dean who frowned.

“That sucks, man, I’m sorry,” Dean apologized, but Cas just waved a hand in dismissal as he set the last of his books on his desk.

“Sometimes it’s nice to be alone, just to have some self reflective moments. I’m not always a social butterfly,” Cas explained, walking over and collapsing down on his bed with a huff.

“You’re pretty popular for someone who’s not a social butterfly,” Dean supposed quietly. Cas smirked and shifted, moving around until he was sitting cross legged, leaning back on his wall with his hands behind his head.

“And where on Earth did you get the idea that I’m popular?” Cas inquired. Dean fought the urge to blush and shrugged.

“Well, you’re cool.”

Cas’ smirk grew even wider, and Dean fought even harder not to blush.

“I- I mean, like, y’know, people like you, and you’re well known around school,” Dean went on.

“I’m not exactly well known for all good reasons,” Cas pointed out with a raised eyebrow. Dean swallowed and shrugged.

“Does it really matter?”

Cas’ smirk shifted into somewhat of a grin, and his eyes sparkled with something that made Dean’s palms sweaty. There was a pause, some sort of tension and quiet before Cas spoke.

“I guess you could argue it either way. Bad or good, at least people know me, right?” Cas went on with a little shrug. Dean smiled softly and nodded.

“Exactly,” Dean agreed.

“But, I’m a senior so I have the benefit of the doubt. I’ve been here longer than you,” Cas said.

“True, but there are other seniors that no one talks about, seniors that are off the radar,” Dean argued. Cas looked amused as he tilted his chin up.

“And how did we get on the subject of my being well known?” Cas questioned. Dean, again, tried not to blush as he ducked his head.

“I, uh-”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind,” Cas immediately said, relaxing Dean as he continued to smile over at him. “Whatever you want to talk about is cool, your company is solace enough,” Cas explained. “It’s just nice to have someone around who I’m not annoying. Benny gets annoyed with me on a regular basis,” Cas huffed.

“You guys are still good friends though,” Dean replied, and Cas nodded.

“Yeah, we’re friends, and he’s a good roommate. Neither of us are perfect though so stuff happens, fights or whatever,” Cas explained.

“Well, it’s good you guys don’t fight twenty-four seven,” Dean supplied and Cas nodded with one of those little smiles that made Dean think that maybe, just maybe, he was kind of glad that Benny sent him over to see Cas.

\---

Though Dean was initially a little nervous, those nerves faded as the night went on. Cas was easy to make conversation with, and Cas always had interesting things to talk about. Dean figured there was nothing to worry about, that he would get through the night without embarrassing himself in front of Cas, but then, during conversation about Dean’s opinion on modern day space travel and Cas’ interest in the sci-fi genre, Cas rose from his bed and started rummaging in the area between his bed and desk that Dean couldn’t quite see from where he was, all he could really see was some pillows and blankets that he figured were spares.

Dean was about to ask what Cas was seemingly looking for when Cas spoke up.

“Hey, you smoke at all?” Cas questioned. Dean paused before shaking his head. Cas glanced over with a suggestive little smile on his lips as he began to pull something - seemingly big and made of glass - out from under the pile of pillows and blankets between his desk and bed. “Do you mind if I do?” 

Dean simply blinked, then looked over at his hand that was holding what looked like the neck of a bottle. But, it wasn’t a bottle, it was-

“Is that a bong?” Dean questioned, trying to push aside the fact that he probably sounded very innocent and a little incredulous. Cas must have caught it though because he laughed a little as he pulled what was definitely a bong up and onto his bed.

“Yeah, this is Hazel, she’s my baby,” Cas told Dean who just blinked more and raised an eyebrow.

“It has a name?”

Dean had no clue why, but Cas laughed at that.

“Yeah, usually when you get a bong or a pipe or a piece or whatever, you name it,” Cas explained as Dean eyed what was probably a roughly fifteen inch glass contraption that had a rotund bottom and then a zig-zagging tube that came all the way up to where Cas was holding it.

“You smoke from that thing?” Dean questioned, now sounding even more innocent and incredulous. Don’t get Dean wrong, he had seen bongs in the past and he had seen people smoke from pipes or joints or whatever, but he had never really seen something so… flashy. And big.

“Of course you smoke from this thing,” Cas told Dean reassuringly before pausing. “Unless you mind,” he quickly added. “I don’t have to, I just usually smoke at the end of a long day and it’s been a long day,” Cas explained. Dean simply shook his head.

“No, I don’t mind,” Dean told Cas. Truthfully, Dean didn’t have a problem with smoking or people smoking around him. Even Ash, his roommate, sometimes he smoked when Dean was in their dorm and Dean didn’t mind. He just, himself, never got into it. Given, he hadn’t actually _tried_ it yet, but, well, no one needed to really know that.

“Sweet,” Cas simply replied, leaning over and setting the bong down on his desk before getting up and rummaging in a few drawers.

“So, Benny puts up with this every night?” Dean questioned. Cas closed the drawer he had been looking in, turning to face Dean with a little impish grin as he set something metal and a little Altoids tin on his bed and went to sit back down.

“Not every night, there’s always an exception whether it be Benny is spending the night somewhere else or I’m too busy with homework to smoke. He’s been really good about putting up with it though. We used to argue about it, but now we don’t. Sometimes he even smokes with me,” Cas went on as he leaned over and pulled something from the bong - what was seemingly a little glass bowl with a stem on it. “You seem to be very very new to this though,” Cas then went on, still grinning over at Dean who ducked his head.

“Yeah, I just never really got into it myself and, well, it’s not like I have a ton of friends and it’s not like a lot of them smoke so,” Dean explained, watching Cas carefully as he opened up the Altoids tin and took out what Dean assumed was weed, putting some into some circular metal object that Dean had no clue what it did.

“Well, I’m always here if you ever want to try it or even just educate yourself about it. A lot of people think it’s this nasty thing that lazy people do, but it has a history, it dates back to over six-thousand years when the Chinese began using it for medicinal purposes. And it does have extremely useful medicinal purposes and it really is a wonder that it gets the rap that it does now,” Cas explained as Dean watched him pack what he had apparently ground up into that little glass bowl thing that had initially come from the bong.

“You sound like you know a lot about this,” Dean supposed with a little smile, watching Cas close the Altoids tin and place the little bowl piece back in the bong before brushing off his hands.

“I know a little,” Cas replied, smiling over at Dean as he reached to his side and grabbed a green lighter, promptly then leaning over to take the bong off of his desk, wiggling around a bit to get comfortable before bringing the bong into his lap.

Dean watched with what had to be rapture as Cas leaned over, settling his mouth to what Dean figured was the mouthpiece as he flicked the lighter on and brought it to the bowl that stuck out the side of the bong. 

For the life of him, Dean wouldn’t be able to tell you what was happening; all he could tell you was that milky white smoke was slowly building from the bubbling water at the bottom of the bong to the very top of it. It was after there was a fair amount of smoke, enough to make Dean wonder if Cas was really going to inhale all of it, when Cas pulled out the little bowl piece and gave one long inhale, all of the smoke inside of the bong disappearing in a smooth pull.

Cas pulled away from the bong and slowly leaned back, letting the smoke trail effortlessly from his lips in one smooth exhale. After it was all gone, Cas took a breath and sighed, looking over and smiling at Dean.

“Wow,” Dean simply said because he couldn’t help himself, the smoke was slowly clouding out around Cas and the entire scene in itself just, well, looked kind of cool. Cas simply chuckled a little with a nod.

“Bong rips are always fun,” Cas told Dean who raised an eyebrow.

“Inhaling all that smoke doesn’t look fun,” Dean supposed, but Cas just gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

“You get used to it,” Cas told Dean with a little sigh. “Is that why you don’t smoke?” 

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not so sure,” Dean admitted. Cas paused before smiling softly and slowly.

“Do you want to try taking a hit?” 

Dean blinked, then paused. He had been offered by many before to smoke, but he always said no because, well, he really wasn’t sure. Maybe part of it was because he knew it was bad for your lungs. Or maybe part of it was because he wasn’t so sure about the loss of control you have when you’re in that state of being high. Or maybe it was because it never seemed appealing.

Or maybe it was because the right person hadn’t asked him, and the right time hadn’t come to him.

“You don’t have to, I don’t want you to feel like this is peer pressure, trust me, if you don’t want to do it, I get it. I respect whatever decision you make,” Cas then told Dean reassuringly. Dean chewed on his bottom lip as he looked over at the somewhat intimidating bong and the very non-intimidating, kind person holding it.

“What happens if I do, y’know, smoke?” Dean questioned, aware that he probably sounded like an idiot but also aware that he wanted to know what the effects of being high would be.

“Well, what I’m smoking right now is a really calming indica strain meaning that it’ll give you more of a chill high. So, you might feel like your body is heavier and your tongue is looser. Your eyes will droop, your mouth will get dry and you’ll probably get hungry. But, overall, it should be a feel good, warm kind of feeling. People think it’s scary, but I promise you, it’s really not,” Cas assured Dean with a soft little smile. “It’s your decision though,” Cas then added.

Dean chewed on his lip a little more, tried to think rationally of not only his situation but of what it could bring. And after thinking it over, after thinking of how Dean trusted Cas, after thinking of how he felt safe, after thinking of how maybe trying it wouldn’t be terrible, he ultimately gave Cas a nod.

“Alright.”

Cas grinned a grin so wide it made Dean’s stomach tumble in tandem with his heart.

“So, I really get the honors of smoking up Dean Winchester for the first time?” Cas questioned, and Dean couldn’t help but blush a little, even as he asked,

“Why is it an honor?”

“Well, any time you smoke someone up for the first time you should really feel honored, no matter who they are. It means whoever it is trusts you enough to help guide them into that state of being high,” Cas explained before shifting, moving over on his bed and offering enough room for Dean. “Now come on over here,” he said, patting the space next to him.

Dean swallowed thickly and took a breath, a pang of nerves running through him as he rose from Benny’s bed and headed over to Cas’. He was nervous enough about the whole smoking endeavor, but for some reason, sitting on Cas’ bed with Cas himself was almost more intimidating. 

He climbed on Cas’ bed, Cas sitting at the head of it, Dean sitting at the end, coming to realize just how damn small college dorm room beds were.

“You don’t have to be so uptight, Dean, you’ve just gotta try and relax. Move around, get comfortable. Kick off your shoes and cross your legs, it’ll be easier if you can face me,” Cas went on to explain.

Dean did so, climbing on the bed fully and trying to ease his nerves with a deep breath. He took a pause when he heard Cas’ voice, deep and calming.

“Here, look at me,” Cas said simply, and Dean did, looking over at Cas who looked collected and calm and everything Dean wasn’t. He looked Cas right in those eyes that were bluer than any other eyes Dean had seen, bluer and deeper and looking at him as though Cas could see every inch of Dean’s soul.

“Do you trust me?”

It was a no brainer question.

Sure, Dean and Cas hadn’t hung out alone a ton of times, and sure, they weren’t like best friends, but Dean trusted Cas, he trusted him a lot. He didn’t know what it was about him, whether it was his demeanor or the way he smiled, the things he said and the way his eyes lit up when he talked. But there was something about Cas, something that gave Dean an unfairly unwavering amount of trust in him.

“Yes.”

Dean’s response was quiet, soft, and he hated himself for that. He wished he could have been strong and nonchalant, easy going and not nervous in the slightest. Cas seemed to read that in him though.

“It’s okay to be nervous, everyone is the first time they get high. But, don’t worry, I’ll walk you through it, okay?” Cas told Dean, those blue eyes holding so much reassurance Dean had no clue how he was keeping it together. Dean simply nodded and Cas nodded right back. “Alright, hold on one sec,” Cas said, sliding off the bed with the bong in hand, going over to his desk behind Dean and rummaging in some drawers once more. When Cas returned to sit on the bed, he had that same metal object and that same Altoids tin.

“Alright, so you’re into science-y stuff, right?” Cas questioned. Dean nodded hesitantly. “So, do you wanna know how it works when you take a hit?” Cas questioned. Dean nodded once more. He figured it couldn’t hurt, the glass beast Cas was holding looked rather complicated.

“Alright, so basically, this bowl right here,” Cas began, tapping on the little glass piece that was protruding from the bottom of the bong. “Is where the weed is packed and lit. When you light the weed in the bowl, you start sucking from up here,” Cas continued on, tapping the top of the bong. “Then, the smoke will gather as the water starts to bubble. Once you have enough smoke or the right sized hit, you pull out the bowl piece, therefore the vacuum on the bong itself is kind of, released I guess you could say, and the smoke comes up and fills your lungs. Then, all you have to do it pull off, hold it for like a second or two for good measure, and then let it out,” Cas explained. Dean nodded slowly, beginning to understand the mechanics a bit better, though still slightly vexed. “Do you want to watch me take one more hit?” Cas questioned, reading Dean’s mind. Dean nodded shyly and Cas nodded right back.

Dean watched carefully as Cas took another hit, this time trying to apply Cas’ explanation of bong mechanics. It made a little more sense, he thought to himself as he watched Cas pull away from the bong to release a rather large cloud of smoke.

“Seriously, how are you not coughing?” Dean questioned as the smoke began to dissipate. Cas smiled and chuckled a little, shaking his head.

“You get used to it. I remember the first time I hit a bong I almost puked,” Cas told Dean who’s eyes widened. Cas immediately paused and looked over at Dean almost sheepishly. “Sorry, that’s probably not comforting,” he told Dean who nodded.

“Not at all,” Dean replied, earning a laugh from Cas who took out the bowl piece from the bong and leaned over, tapping what was apparently the ashes out of it and into the little trash can next to his bed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you take your first hit,” Cas assured Dean as he opened up the Altoids tin and began to pack another bowl. “Especially on a bong this big it’s weird to take a hit,” Cas went on, closing the tin as he finished packing the bowl and set it back in the bong. “So, you ready?” Cas questioned, looking up at Dean with a sigh. Dean took a breath and nodded.

“I guess,” he sighed in reply.

“Alright, here,” Cas began, rising from where he sat just slightly and scooting over to sit closer to Dean, something that made Dean’s heart beat faster. “You just hold it like this,” Cas told Dean as he placed the bong in Dean’s lap, letting Dean hold it by one hand on the bottom and one one near the top. Cas settled back to sit on his heels only inches away from Dean with a lighter in hand. “So, all you have to do is put your mouth down here, and I’ll tell you when to start inhaling. Try not to inhale too hard, but you’ve gotta inhale hard enough for the water to bubble and the smoke to get into your lungs,” Cas explained. Dean nodded, but in all honesty, his heart was beating hard enough that he could hear it in his ears, so Cas was kind of being tuned out.

But, with Cas’ instruction, slowly, Dean was putting his mouth to the mouthpiece and starting to inhale as Cas’ brought the lighter to the bowl.

Time went too slow, or maybe too fast as smoke built and built. And before Dean knew it, Cas was pulling out the bowl and all that smoke was going directly into Dean’s lungs.

Dean at least had the grace of mind to pull away from the bong before he started coughing like there was no tomorrow.

It felt vaguely like being hit by a car (for some strange reason?), and Dean suddenly understood why Cas had almost puked the first time he had taken a bong rip. It was like fire in the lungs spreading out to the rest of Dean in a rather uncomfortable way.

“Holy shit,” Dean managed after maybe half a minute of solid coughing. He looked up and over at Cas who was simply smiling. “That was terrible,” Dean then managed through a few more coughs.

Cas just laughed at that, reaching over and taking the bong back from Dean.

“It sucks the first time, I know. And this is a pretty big bong and you took a fairly big rip,” Cas explained over more of Dean’s coughing. “Here,” Cas said, reaching over to the table by his bed and grabbing a water bottle, handing it over to Dean.

Dean gladly took it since his body was pretty much craving any kind of relief from the smoke he had just taken in. He took a few long drinks from the bottle before handing it back over to Cas. 

Finally, his lungs feeling less on fire and his breathing back in check, he took a breath and paused before looking over at Cas.

“I don’t feel anything.”

Cas quirked a little grin.

“Wait a little while and maybe try another hit and I promise you, you’ll feel it.”

Dean eyed Cas, let the words replay in his head before sighing.

“If you say so.”

\---

Cas told Dean to wait a bit, and after maybe five minutes, he offered Dean another hit. Dean was slightly reluctant, but decided it couldn’t hurt. Well, it could hurt because it did hurt because inhaling all that smoke was a terrible thing and Dean had no clue how Cas did it. He watched Cas take another rip from the bong and he shook his head when Cas exhaled with no coughing.

“That’s witchcraft,” Dean stated, aware in the very back of his mind that his eyes were starting to get a little heavy.

“Just practice,” Cas replied with a laugh, leaning over and setting the bong on the floor. There was a short pause before Dean spoke up.

“So, what do we do now?” he questioned, looking around the room.

“Whatever you want,” Cas simply replied. “There’s a little more left in that bowl so if you want to take another hit you’re welcome to,” Cas went on.

“I think I’ll wait a bit,” Dean told Cas who began to scoot back, settling himself against the pillows at the head of his bed.

“Sounds good to me,” Cas agreed. There was another silence before Dean spoke up, looking over at Cas.

“Are you high?” 

Dean was aware, somewhere in the back of his mind, that it was probably a dumb question since, for one, Cas looked high, and two, he had taken more than one fairly big bong rip.

“I would say so,” Cas replied with a smile and a nod. “Are you?” he shot back. Dean blinked. He felt… something. He definitely felt something. But what was it that he felt?

“Am I?”

That made Cas smile even wider.

“Well, that’s kind of a you question. How do you feel?” Cas inquired. Dean blinked some more.

“Strange,” Dean supplied slowly. “In a good way,” he then quickly added on. It was true, he wasn’t feeling anything bad, he just kind of felt… fuzzy maybe?

“Good. You’ll usually start off feeling kind of strange, but certain things will become apparent. Like, the first time I got high…”

But then, Cas’ words were sort of dissolving, falling all around Dean in a steady hum as Dean began to focus more on Cas’ face and his ministrations. Dean eyed his hair, his eyes, his lips. Dean’s gaze got stuck on his lips. They were moving, occasionally flashing a smile or teeth, making Dean wonder just what made Cas’ smile so blinding. Was it in his eyes? Was it in those little crinkles around them that formed everytime he smiled? Was it in his bone structure? Cas did have really good bone structure.

“Dean?”

Dean’s eyes that were set on Cas’ cheekbones refocused to look Cas in the eye.

“Dean?”

Cas looked highly amused.

“You’re listening but not hearing, aren’t you?”

Cas sounded highly amused.

Dean licked his lips, blinking.

“You’re saying words, but I don’t know what they mean,” Dean admitted. Cas laughed at that, another true Cas laugh with his head tilted back.

“So, I assume you’re feeling something now?” Cas questioned, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

“I think so,” Dean replied simply, looking around Cas’ room some more. It was still Cas’ room, everything looked the same, but the posters on his side of the wall were… more interesting. “Why do you have so many posters? And tapestries?” Dean then asked, suddenly very interested in Cas’ thinking behind covering his walls with them. Cas simply shrugged.

“They all have some kind of meaning. Either that or I really liked the vibes they gave off, the way they looked. Some of them are even just random sketches,” Cas explained as Dean’s eyes roved the wonder that was Cas’ wall.

“What about this one?” Dean questioned, pointing to a rather psychedelic one with some charcoal drawn mushrooms as the center of attention, though with strange details in the back, patterns and lines that Dean couldn’t tell if they amounted to something or not.

“Oh, I worked on that one during a shroom trip.”

“Shroom trip?”

Dean’s tone was so incredulous that Cas burst out laughing.

“What, what did I say?” Dean questioned, looking over at Cas who was shaking his head, smiling.

“No, nothing, just, the way you said it I guess.”

“Said what?” Dean questioned, blinking, train of thought completely derailed.

“Shrooms,” Cas simply replied.

“What about shrooms?” Dean then said, still blinking, mind already growing foggy. Cas’ smile grew even wider, and suddenly, Dean found himself smiling back. “Why am I smiling?” he questioned as though Cas would have the answer. Cas’ smile grew impossibly wide at that as he shook his head.

“I don’t know, why are you smiling?”

“Well, you’re smiling at me and you have a really nice smile.”

Dean didn’t even have the grace of mind to blush at that sentence, he simply let it out, and once it was out it felt oddly fulfilling. It felt like he had satisfied some part of himself maybe, the part that wanted to shower Cas in compliments because in Dean’s mind, that was what Cas deserved.

Cas’ eyes twinkled at that, flashed with something that Dean couldn’t quite define.

“Thank you, Dean,” he replied simply, quietly, and okay, _that’s_ what made Dean blush a little. Still, Dean couldn’t find it in himself to tear his gaze away from Cas, however. He just kept staring.

“You’re welcome,” Dean simply replied, letting a soft silence fall between them for a few moments.

“Isn’t it strange how smiles are contagious?” Cas questioned. Dean paused and thought about it for a minute before nodding.

“Why is that?” Dean questioned. Cas shrugged.

“There’s science behind it somewhere,” he told Dean who dully, in the back of his head, thought that that would be interesting material to research at one point or another. But not then, not in that moment. He had Cas at his full attention, there was no room for distraction.

Except being high, Dean came to realize, all there was, was distraction.

They started talking about smiles more after that, and Dean came to realize just what a wonderful smile Cas truly had. Then the subject shifted to the science of basic interaction between humans, leading to a discussion about social anxiety wherein Dean opened up about having some himself and Cas talked about how he used to have a terrible case of it back when he was in high school. 

Then _that_ led to an interesting conversation about the uses of marijuana, leading to Dean taking the last bong hit and finishing off the bowl Cas had packed bringing Dean to an even higher place, a _better_ place because, holy shit, it was so much easier to talk to Cas that way. Cas wasn’t scary, it didn’t matter that he was older, and there was no way of knowing if he was actually smarter.

As the night went on, Cas showed Dean some music, some mellow, some trippy, always music that Dean enjoyed, Cas explaining that music was a million times better to listen to when you’re high. Cas pulled out some snacks too, plus some juice boxes that, for some reason, really interested Dean. And then Dean only found himself giving Cas a lecture about juice boxes and the duality and durability of them when Cas started breaking down in a fit of giggles. Then, soon after Cas had broken into giggles, Dean did the same, and suddenly they were just laughing for a reason neither of them could remember.

Eventually, Dean recovered first and got the privilege of watching Cas laugh that sweet laugh of his. Dean watched him and watched him, saying nothing, just thinking to himself that Cas really was one of the most interesting people Dean had met. And the conversation they could have, the topics they could touch on, it showed that Cas really was smart. And, God, he was handsome. And it was so beautiful the way that, when he talked about something that interested him, his eyes lit up and he sat up all straight, and he made all these hand movements and gestures.

Cas’ eyes were so deep too. When Dean looked at him, he felt like there was always more. Dean was coming to find that to Cas, there was always more, there’s was always something hidden inside. There were secrets and words and facts about Cas that were all inside of him, and Dean couldn't see them. He wanted to. He wanted to see them, he wanted to-

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Cas’ words brought Dean out of the haze he had been in. Cas was looking over at Dean with his head tilted slightly, a curious look in his eye, a little quirk upwards of his lips. He looked intrigued.

“How am I looking at you?” Dean questioned, suddenly aware that his gaze felt reverent, that his tongue felt heavy, his words felt like they were coated in honey. 

Cas seemingly paused, the corner of his mouth drawing up a little more into a warm kind of smile.

“Like you’re really fond of something I’ve said or done maybe.”

Dean looked over Cas a little more, felt something bubbling inside him starting from the very bottom of him, starting from a part of him that he didn’t know he had.

Dean’s eyes roved Cas’ face, the softness it held with this underlying fire that made Dean’s stomach tumble. There were words forming on Dean’s tongue, but they were slow, slow and hesitant, fear keeping them there for a few moments, curing them, letting them soften so that when Dean said them, for some reason, it wasn’t so scary.

“Is it stupid if I say that I want to kiss you right now?”

Dean wouldn’t be able to tell you, sober or high, how on Earth those words actually came out of his mouth. But they did. And there was no taking them back once they were out there.

Something shifted in Cas’ face. His eyes didn’t stop twinkling, his smile didn’t falter. He just looked at Dean, stared him down like he was looking inside of him, taking in every inch that even Dean didn’t know. And then, he softened.

Dean had a quick moment to panic, but it was promptly blocked out when Cas shifted, got up from where he was sitting and started crawling over to Dean who simply watched as Cas got closer and closer. 

And then, Cas was slowly moving into Dean’s space, Dean’s _personal_ space, and Dean was welcoming him, outstretching his legs and watching with rapture as Cas straddled them and let himself sit right in Dean’s lap.

Dean could hear his heart pounding, his blood rushing in his ears, but there was an almost unnerving silence as Cas’ hands slowly cupped Dean’s face.

There was a solid moment that stretched out in time wherein Dean let his eyes wander Cas’ features, the little details of those features that he couldn’t make out until Cas was so close. Dean could see a clear glimmer in his eye, a fire that was present. There was a tenderness to his smile and a kindness in his eyes. Dean could feel his hands, gentle, calloused, cupping the side of his face. A thumb stroked over his cheekbone and Dean just melted, eyes fluttering shut. He knew he should probably have kept them open, watched Cas’ every move, every ministration, but before he could change that, tender lips were brushing his own in a barely there kiss so gentle it made his heart ache.

Time went slow, slow enough for the concept of it to simply disappear. 

Dean’s brain couldn’t keep up with what was happening.

All Dean knew was there was warmth enveloping him, Cas’ body heat radiating waves of contentment to him as those lips moved so slowly, so tenderly against Dean’s own.

The kiss was timid, shy, chaste. It held a sort of passion, however, that grew and blossomed as Dean’s hands found Cas’ waist, as Dean leaned into the kiss more, parted his lips slowly but surely and let sensation take over as Cas kissed him as though Dean were the most important thing in the world in that moment.

Dean knew that to him, Cas was the most important thing to him in that moment, so he showed it as the kiss deepened, as those hands around Cas’ waist tightened, as soft little noises spilled unbidden from lips that worked up the slightest fervor.

Everything fell away, and all there was was Cas. There was no question of how this was happening, there was no awful anxiety, there was no thought of what would be to come after. There was just Cas.

The kiss lasted long enough for Dean’s lips to feel numb, long enough for a steady warmth to pulsate inside of Dean, long enough for Dean to feel like he had gotten all he wanted but not enough at the same time.

When Cas pulled away, Dean chased his lips and Cas grinned, nipping softly at Dean’s lower lip before pulling away completely. Once it felt like Cas was miles away, even though he was still on Dean’s lap, Dean looked up at him. His cheeks were just slightly pink, his pupils wide and his eyes bright. His lips were curved into a lopsided, soft smile.

“Was that okay?”

Dean licked his lips and nodded.

“It was better than okay.”

\---

Dean was mortified. Bottom line.

After the kiss with Cas had happened, the night had gone on calmly. Apparently, stoned Dean wasn’t all too perturbed by kissing Castiel Novak, _the_ Castiel Novak.

But sober Dean was.

He wasn’t perturbed in the way of he felt it hadn’t been fully consensual or mortified in the way of he felt he had been taken advantage of, however. In hindsight, Dean viewed it as something he had wanted for a while and wanted in the moment, and Cas was good enough to not push things further. They made out, and Dean was alright with it - he just felt, after the fact, well, a little stupid.

Cas was a seasoned stoner, he was used to being high. Cas was older. Cas had probably slept with way more people. Cas was smarter. And all of that made Dean feel as though the kiss had been something Cas had done out of pity.

So, instead of being rational about it, Dean decided to completely ignore Cas.

For weeks on end.

That was the only thing to do, right? And at least it worked, right?

Well, no, wrong, because about a month later Cas showed up at Dean’s dorm with no preamble, no warning, just a teasing sort of smile and those Goddamn sparkling eyes.

“I’d like to talk to you,” was all that Cas had said and Dean had registered before Cas was sitting on Ash’s bed and Dean was sitting across from him on his own trying to make sense of why on Earth Cas wanted to talk to _him_.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” Cas said simply.

It wasn’t a question as much as a softer kind of statement; it didn’t have bite or venom to it, it was actually more shy than anything else. 

Dean swallowed thickly and nodded because he didn’t have it in him to lie, to make up some elaborate story about how, no, it wasn’t him, it was all circumstantial. So, he just sat there, heart pounding, waiting for Cas to give him terrible news that came only moments later in the form of the sentence,

“I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

Dean heart fell, shattered, cracked into little tiny pieces as he just blinked over at Cas. Of course it was going to be like this. Of course it was going to be the fact that Cas had done something out of pity, something that affected Dean in a way he wished it hadn’t.

“I understand,” was all that Dean managed because at least if Cas was going to kiss him, bring him up to the highest point of having a terrible crush on someone could get you, Dean was going to make things short and get Cas out of his dorm as quickly as possible.

“Do you?”

Dean’s immediate thought was to answer Cas’ words with an obedient ‘yes’, but when Dean got the courage to look up from nervously twiddling hands, he saw something in Cas’ face that made him stop. Cas looked apologetic, but not in the way Dean would expect him to.

“What do you mean?” Dean questioned softly. Cas looked away from Dean and licked his lips, shifting where he sat.

“Dean, why do you think I kissed you?” Cas inquired. Dean swallowed thickly and looked back down at his hands, clasped together, thumbs and fingers fumbling.

“Well, I kind of, I guess, in the moment, asked you about the whole kissing thing. And you were probably high enough to not mind just… kissing me.”

“You think I kissed you out of pity, don’t you?”

Dean had no idea where Cas picked up the ability to read minds, but he definitely had somewhere. 

Dean didn’t even look up at Cas, just nodded a little.

“Dean, hey, look at me,” Cas said softly. Dean took a breath and looked up and over at Cas who looked so damn kind Dean wanted to melt. “I didn’t kiss you out of pity. I kissed you because I’m attracted to you. I kissed you because you brought it up and I thought in the moment that that was a green light to go forward with everything. But after the fact I-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” Dean said, his heart suddenly skipping a few beats. “Say that again.”

Cas just blinked over at Dean.

“Which part?”

“The, uh, attraction,” Dean began, waving a hand around as though that explained everything. Cas raised an eyebrow.

“What, that I’m attracted to you?” Cas replied simply, sounding slightly confused. Dean took a breath and let his eyes roam Cas’ face.

Cas didn’t _look_ like he was joking.

“Yeah.”

“What about it?”

“You’re serious.”

Dean’s words were half a question half a statement. Cas blinked and paused before smiling a bit.

“Of course I’m serious, this is what I’m telling you. I kissed you because I’m attracted to you,” Cas explained. Dean blinked at him some more.

“Then why are you apologizing?” Dean questioned. Cas sighed and looked away.

“It was your first time getting high and you were in a vulnerable state. I think I took you by surprise and I don’t think that that was the right way to go about things,” Cas explained. “Then, afterwards, obviously, you got the wrong message and you thought I had kissed you for some other reason,” Cas continued on. Dean blinked before letting out a huff of laughter.

“Cas, you don’t have to apologize for the kiss, if I’m being honest I’m just blindsided by the attraction part, I mean, you’re Cas, Castiel Novak, you could probably get half the school to go after you,” Dean told Cas who smiled softly over at Dean.

“Dean, I always liked you in one way or another ever since I met you. It was when we kissed that I really realized, well. I realized that there really is something special about you and I don’t do this often, almost ever actually but if you’d like to, maybe, well, I think a date would be something… nice. To do. Together.”

Dean had never seen Cas trip up on his words or get flustered, but the sight across from Dean in that moment was exactly that. Cas was blushing and looking away from Dean, his hands in his lap clasped together tightly.

“You’re seriously asking me out right now?” Dean questioned, practically gaping over at Cas who looked over at him with eyes that held what had to be nerves. Cas smiled hopefully.

“Well, I mean, if you’d like to, I don’t-”

“Yes.”

Cas paused.

“What?” he questioned as though now he was the nervous one. Dean smiled softly over at him.

“Yes, I’d like to go on a date with you,” Dean continued on softly.

“Oh. Really?” Cas questioned. Dean smiled even wider and nodded. Cas seemingly breathed a sigh of relief. “Good, good,” he went on, finally looking up and over at Dean. “Maybe we could go out for coffee,” Cas then suggested, a soft smile growing on his face. Dean smiled right back and nodded.

“I’d like that.”

\- Two Years Later -

The halls in the college were nearly empty, most of that year’s graduates having already made their way to the auditorium, the ceremony itself having been less than an hour away. There were a few people in the halls, however, for whatever reason.

Dean being one of them.

Dean was standing outside one of the classrooms, nervously tapping his foot with his head leaning back against the wall. He _would_ be with all his other classmates except Cas had promised he’d meet up with Dean before the ceremony itself began to try and calm his nerves. Dean had always leaned towards being an anxious person, but some part of Cas always managed to counteract that. 

Dean and Cas had managed to stay together for two years, a relationship that was longer than any that Dean had had and almost as long as Cas’ longest one. Over the span of the two years, Cas had ended up graduating and getting his own little place. Dean had stayed on campus to finish up college, but the moment college was over, Dean was moving in with Cas and he couldn’t have been more happy about it.

“Is that future college graduate Dean Winchester I see?” came a voice from the end of the hallway. Dean blinked open his eyes and looked over to see Cas heading down the hall with a wide smile on his face. Dean smiled back slowly as he turned towards Cas.

“Is that a suit on Castiel Novak I see?” Dean shot right back, trying to hold back the absolute glee that was residing inside of him at the sight of Cas wearing a suit. Given it was totally ill fitting and the tie on it was way too loose, but still, Cas _never_ wore suits.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t bring it up,” Cas said as he walked closer to Dean and slid his arm around Dean’s waist. Cas gave Dean’s forehead a kiss, then his nose, then his lips. “I got something for you if you’re nervous,” Cas told Dean, reaching into his pocket with his free hand to pull out a joint. Dean gave Cas a disapproving look. “What?” Cas questioned, and Dean shook his head.

“I thought maybe we could both indulge in sobriety due to the fact that I’m _graduating college today_ ,” Dean teased, guiding Cas’ hand back in his pocket. 

“Alright, you’re in charge,” Cas sighed, now giving Dean’s cheek a kiss.

“Also, I’d like to revisit the fact that you wore a suit today,” Dean went on, bringing his hands up to smooth out the collar and then work on tightening the tie.

“And I’d like to revisit the fact I said don’t bring it up,” Cas shot back, a little smile creeping its way onto his face.

“How can I not bring it up when you look so handsome?” Dean teased as Cas began to bat his hands away from his tie. “Oh my God, did you actually shave too?” Dean went on, brushing a hand over Cas’ cheek.

“I’d like to point out that, as you said, you’re graduating college today so you should be the center of attention, not me,” Cas told Dean, capturing Dean’s hands and holding them in his own. “Also, you’re going to be late if you don’t get going now,” Cas added on.

“Alright, but you promise you’ll come see me afterwards?” Dean questioned. Cas nodded.

“We’ve gotta work on moving your stuff into my place, remember?” Cas pointed out. Dean bit back a grin and nodded. Cas seemingly saw it and grinned right back. “You’re seriously sure that you want to come live with me?” Cas questioned.

“And why wouldn’t I be?” Dean asked softly. Cas smiled and leaned his forehead against Dean’s.

“Because you’re smart and if you’re smart you should know that you’d do better with a sweet, pure, innocent person who probably goes to church and has a clean cut future and a-”

Dean cut Cas off with a soft kiss that held words Dean didn’t have the time to say but wished he could. When he pulled away, he looked Cas in the eye.

“I don’t want that. I want you,” Dean told Cas quietly and surely. Cas smiled wide and leaned in for one last kiss.

“Well, I’m all yours,” Cas told Dean proudly. Cas brought Dean’s hand up to his lips and gave it a kiss before patting it and letting it go. “Now go knock ‘em dead out there and I promise we’ll have a kickass celebration when we get back to my place,” Cas promised Dean who nodded. “And Dean?” Cas went on as Dean began to walk down the hallways towards where the other graduates were headed.

“Hm?” Dean questioned, turning his head to look at Cas. Cas smiled softly.

“I love you.”

Dean smiled slowly but surely.

“I love you too, Cas.”

**Author's Note:**

> so, idk, like i said i have weird mixed feelings about this fic, i feel like i could have done way better but i've been having this weird writer's block lately so i just needed to post something and for something to come out!!!


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